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I hope to update this often. I need someplace and some way to vent. Not that I'm an angry person, but I get upset sometimes.

Monday, November 17, 2008

Tune up

I don't like feeling this way. There's a dischord. Between my mind, my body and the harmony around it, its not synchronized. I feel jumbled, like a rubiks cube before you set it right. 

I can't sometimes figure how I why I am this way. It just seems to happen, and when it does, it blows. I try amazingly hard to keep everything together and I don't let outside vibes effect me negatively. But, it does happen. 

Now, to fix it

Monday, November 10, 2008

Calm down

Sometime, I find that the best way to ease my mind is to work. It gives me direction and something to focus on. A job no matter how small has steps that you have to take to do it correctly, and if you concentrate enough on them, you won't have enough time to think.

But, then I get time when I have to push everything and everyone away. I need space, I can't be around the same thing that was making me go crazy or was related to it. I need to go and walk aimlessly. Towards something, and away from that and them. There is so much pressure, I could choke!

But, I need them. Sometimes a refocus is necessary. See what you can do in the face of what you can't. You can't get to the top of the mountain without making the first step towards it. And every step you take brings you closer. That much more to what you thought you couldn't.
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Tuesday, November 4, 2008

Tiring out.

I was asked by one of my close friends how I'm doing. After about two seconds od consideration, I told him that I think I'm suffering through a bit of depression.

Physically, I know it shows. My eyes are sunken and swollen. I know I have been hanging my head too, someone told me that and just thought I was sick. I walk a little slower. I mean things less, and say less. I feel like I'm unraveling.

I've built myself up to a standard and it can't be maintained. Its in how I dress. Its in how I act to different people. Its in my reactions. Its in everything.

Now, I think I'm losing my grip. I can't sleep, and I can't do much beside sleep
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